my weekend of solitude

As Alyssa and Rosalie spent a couple of days in Spokane for the Women of Faith conference I decided to make the most of my bachelor days and take a little hike. I went to the Glacier Peak Wilderness to complete a 37 mile loop over Buck Creek Pass, and Spider Gap. I started as darkness fell on a Thursday evening. I head lamped until I was tired, hiked about 20 miles on Friday, and out another 12 or so on Saturday. It was a pretty physically demanding trip, especially since I have been inactive this summer, but it was a small slice of heaven for me to be away from life, and alone in the woods for a couple of days. The scenery was beautiful though it was foggy and overcast for a lot of the trip, and I couldn’t see many of the best panoramas that drew me to hike this loop. But the solitude…the solitude was good for my soul. Here are three highlights

1. Rest: I had to force myself to stay awake until 8:00PM before tuning off my head lamp and closing my eyes on Friday night. I slept for 11 hours with just one quick jump out of the tent to answer nature’s call. I felt like I could lift a bus on Saturday morning.

2. Success: Because I was not in great shape I didn’t know how I would do, especially with the dramatic ups and downs of the hike. I was thrilled to get around the loop in the amount of time I had allotted. I also had a personal first: I successfully hitchhiked from the Phelps Creek trailhead where the hike ended, to the Trinity trailhead, three miles away, where I started. I had been hoping to make that happen the whole time, but on my way out there was no one going my way. I was moving fast, so I expected to catch someone eventually, but didn’t. Once I arrived at the trailhead there was a couple in a running car parked in the long line at the side of the road. I wasn’t more than 20 feet past them when they started moving! I immediately turned and stuck my thumb out. They picked me up and drove me all the way to Trinity, they even gave me some cheese and crackers! I was giddy when I started driving home. I can’t tell you if it was because the whole trip was so awesome, or because of how well hitchhiking went.

3. Perspective: Wilderness is a good reminder of what is important. My only important decisions when I’m backpacking are, where am I going to sleep, what am I going to eat, where am I going to find water. I communed with God, ate ripe berries on the side of the trail, missed Alyssa and Rosalie, took pictures, and sang hymns. Being in the woods reminds me that much of what I fill my life with is pretty insignificant. It reminds me that my wants are pretty silly in comparison to what is really important. I think we need a break from routine occasionally to gain perspective, a departure from the norm to get square with reality. This trip was good for my soul.

my Russian immersion

I have wanted to read The Brothers Karamozov for probably 10 years. I remember seeing it for the first time on the library shelf at NNU, and thinking, “that’s a long book.” As a seminary student you hear about Dostoyevsky in one out of every three classes, and Crime and Punishment and The Brothers Karamozov are the only titles ever referenced. I have been reading voraciously since Rosalie’s birth, but have discovered that I need to vary my reading to keep motivated. So after finishing some Edward Abby, and becoming a bleeding heart liberal, I decided that I should get a more realistic picture of life from the Russian great. Three weeks or so after finishing The Brothers Karamozov here are two themes that I am still digesting. Warning, I am giving away the end of the book.

The characters that come to painful or evil ends are those who are either incurably selfish, or are portrayed as the (pessimistic) realists: the buffoon Fyodor Karamozov, murdered; the passionate Dmitry Karamozov, found guilty of a murder he did not commit; the pseudo-intellectual Smerdyakov, hangs himself; and the disbelieving Ivan Karamozov heading to death  with brain fever.  Amazingly, Dostoyevsky makes all of these characters, with the possible exception of Smerdyakov, likable in their own way. The end of the book is particularly dissatisfying because of the guilty verdict against Dmitry, and the unresolved plot to free him from prison. This is probably an overly simplistic summary of Dostoyevsky, but the theme is undeniable.

As the book deals with the themes of evil and suffering, it is cool to me that Dostoyevsky calls Alexey Karamozov the hero of the story. This is a misnomer, there are no heroes in this book! However, Aloysha (as he is called) is perhaps the most consistent character throughout, he does not waiver from his purposes to satisfy momentary desires. Though he is often on errands for other people. He is devoted to his faith, and manages to remain sane until the end, in spite of the terrible circumstances he witnesses. His brother Ivan Karamozov is his foil, the realistic intellectual, who has dismissed religious faith as untenable, considering the prevalence of suffering in the world. Alexey never refutes the arguments of Ivan, he simply holds his faith, and lives to make good out of the suffering where he can. The epilogue of the book gives a really cool picture of Aloysha caring for the boys in town after the death of their friend.

This simple summary fails to include so many of the most compelling characters, Father Zossima, Grushenka, Katerina, and Gregory and Marfa. But I cannot resist retelling my favorite story from the book:

Aloysha comes upon a scene of several school boys throwing rocks and mocking one of their schoolmates. We later learn the lone schoolboy is named Ilyusha. As Aloysha helps to keep the boys from harming or killing Ilyusha he approaches the lone boy. Ilyusha is verbally combative with Aloysha, and eventually bites him on the finger badly enough to draw a great deal of blood. The story is such a stark picture of how wounded and hurt people do the most damage to others. No body would have blamed Aloysha for hitting the boy in retaliation and in the culture it wouldn’t have been a problem, but Aloysha is patient and caring even while binding his wound.