My Undaunted Expectations

I just finished Stephen Ambrose’s Undaunted Courage, a biography of Meriwether Lewis. Of course the major focus of the story is on the Corp of Discovery expedition from St. Louis to the Pacific, but Ambrose focuses on Lewis’ relationship with Thomas Jefferson, and his kinship with William Clark also. I learned a lot about Lewis and the expedition, but also about the history and life in the US at the beginning of the 19^th C. Lewis’ character as both a renaissance man and as a self-reflective young success were perhaps the most interesting facets of the book.

Lewis lived with Jefferson in the President’s House for the first two years of Jefferson’s presidency. Lewis was a personal secretary, and the two bachelors rattled around the mansion with their eleven servants. They played host frequently to the important political figures of the nation. Jefferson was very scientifically minded. Upon determining that Lewis should lead the expedition across the soon to be acquired Louisiana Purchase, Jefferson sent him to Philadelphia to study with the greatest minds in the US. He learned cartography, ethnology, ornithology, geology, and several other “ologies.” It was as if he was cramming for all the final exams of a liberal studies career in three months. The study paid off huge, as Lewis discovered and documented species after species that were as yet unknown to science. The value of the scientific work completed on the expedition was immense, and it was only a sidelight to Lewis’ unparalleled success leading the platoon across the continent.

Meanwhile Lewis was self-reflective, depressed, prone to drinking alcohol in excess and haunted by his inability to find a wife. He wrote on his 31^st birthday just east of the continental divide, headed westward, “I reflected that I had as yet done but little, very little indeed, to further the happiness of the human race, or to advance the information of the succeeding generation. I viewed with regret the many hours I have spent in indolence, and now soarly [sic] feel the want of that information which those hours would have given me had they been judiciously expended.” Lewis was haunted throughout life by the desire to accomplish, and the sinking feeling that his current effort was not enough to satisfy his desire.

I’m sure I will reflect on Lewis’ quote again when I hit my 31^st birthday, coming up here soon, but I hope to be set on a trajectory that is fit to accomplish some of the desires God has laid on my heart.

my weekend of solitude

As Alyssa and Rosalie spent a couple of days in Spokane for the Women of Faith conference I decided to make the most of my bachelor days and take a little hike. I went to the Glacier Peak Wilderness to complete a 37 mile loop over Buck Creek Pass, and Spider Gap. I started as darkness fell on a Thursday evening. I head lamped until I was tired, hiked about 20 miles on Friday, and out another 12 or so on Saturday. It was a pretty physically demanding trip, especially since I have been inactive this summer, but it was a small slice of heaven for me to be away from life, and alone in the woods for a couple of days. The scenery was beautiful though it was foggy and overcast for a lot of the trip, and I couldn’t see many of the best panoramas that drew me to hike this loop. But the solitude…the solitude was good for my soul. Here are three highlights

1. Rest: I had to force myself to stay awake until 8:00PM before tuning off my head lamp and closing my eyes on Friday night. I slept for 11 hours with just one quick jump out of the tent to answer nature’s call. I felt like I could lift a bus on Saturday morning.

2. Success: Because I was not in great shape I didn’t know how I would do, especially with the dramatic ups and downs of the hike. I was thrilled to get around the loop in the amount of time I had allotted. I also had a personal first: I successfully hitchhiked from the Phelps Creek trailhead where the hike ended, to the Trinity trailhead, three miles away, where I started. I had been hoping to make that happen the whole time, but on my way out there was no one going my way. I was moving fast, so I expected to catch someone eventually, but didn’t. Once I arrived at the trailhead there was a couple in a running car parked in the long line at the side of the road. I wasn’t more than 20 feet past them when they started moving! I immediately turned and stuck my thumb out. They picked me up and drove me all the way to Trinity, they even gave me some cheese and crackers! I was giddy when I started driving home. I can’t tell you if it was because the whole trip was so awesome, or because of how well hitchhiking went.

3. Perspective: Wilderness is a good reminder of what is important. My only important decisions when I’m backpacking are, where am I going to sleep, what am I going to eat, where am I going to find water. I communed with God, ate ripe berries on the side of the trail, missed Alyssa and Rosalie, took pictures, and sang hymns. Being in the woods reminds me that much of what I fill my life with is pretty insignificant. It reminds me that my wants are pretty silly in comparison to what is really important. I think we need a break from routine occasionally to gain perspective, a departure from the norm to get square with reality. This trip was good for my soul.

my Russian immersion

I have wanted to read The Brothers Karamozov for probably 10 years. I remember seeing it for the first time on the library shelf at NNU, and thinking, “that’s a long book.” As a seminary student you hear about Dostoyevsky in one out of every three classes, and Crime and Punishment and The Brothers Karamozov are the only titles ever referenced. I have been reading voraciously since Rosalie’s birth, but have discovered that I need to vary my reading to keep motivated. So after finishing some Edward Abby, and becoming a bleeding heart liberal, I decided that I should get a more realistic picture of life from the Russian great. Three weeks or so after finishing The Brothers Karamozov here are two themes that I am still digesting. Warning, I am giving away the end of the book.

The characters that come to painful or evil ends are those who are either incurably selfish, or are portrayed as the (pessimistic) realists: the buffoon Fyodor Karamozov, murdered; the passionate Dmitry Karamozov, found guilty of a murder he did not commit; the pseudo-intellectual Smerdyakov, hangs himself; and the disbelieving Ivan Karamozov heading to death  with brain fever.  Amazingly, Dostoyevsky makes all of these characters, with the possible exception of Smerdyakov, likable in their own way. The end of the book is particularly dissatisfying because of the guilty verdict against Dmitry, and the unresolved plot to free him from prison. This is probably an overly simplistic summary of Dostoyevsky, but the theme is undeniable.

As the book deals with the themes of evil and suffering, it is cool to me that Dostoyevsky calls Alexey Karamozov the hero of the story. This is a misnomer, there are no heroes in this book! However, Aloysha (as he is called) is perhaps the most consistent character throughout, he does not waiver from his purposes to satisfy momentary desires. Though he is often on errands for other people. He is devoted to his faith, and manages to remain sane until the end, in spite of the terrible circumstances he witnesses. His brother Ivan Karamozov is his foil, the realistic intellectual, who has dismissed religious faith as untenable, considering the prevalence of suffering in the world. Alexey never refutes the arguments of Ivan, he simply holds his faith, and lives to make good out of the suffering where he can. The epilogue of the book gives a really cool picture of Aloysha caring for the boys in town after the death of their friend.

This simple summary fails to include so many of the most compelling characters, Father Zossima, Grushenka, Katerina, and Gregory and Marfa. But I cannot resist retelling my favorite story from the book:

Aloysha comes upon a scene of several school boys throwing rocks and mocking one of their schoolmates. We later learn the lone schoolboy is named Ilyusha. As Aloysha helps to keep the boys from harming or killing Ilyusha he approaches the lone boy. Ilyusha is verbally combative with Aloysha, and eventually bites him on the finger badly enough to draw a great deal of blood. The story is such a stark picture of how wounded and hurt people do the most damage to others. No body would have blamed Aloysha for hitting the boy in retaliation and in the culture it wouldn’t have been a problem, but Aloysha is patient and caring even while binding his wound.

my reason to run

Coveted and Rare: Fourth Place Medals

Running as fast as you can, diving into a moving car, speeding over forest service roads, sweating bullets and constantly watching to see if anyone is catching up. No, it’s not a hillbilly version of Grand Theft Auto, it’s the most fun possible way to run 57 miles, also known as Mt. Misery Madness.

I had heard about Mt. Misery Madness for years. It is a relay race from Asotin, WA to Troy, OR over mostly forest service roads. The route climbs to over 6,000 feet elevation, its about 35 miles up and 20 miles down. I determined that this would be the year to enter the competition.

Compiling the team required weeks of research and communication. An add was placed on Facebook reading, “In need of runners to cover great distances at intervals over uneven roads while breathing mostly dust. You must pay in order to render your services. Certain acclaim and instant glory to be gained for survivors. $15 extra for a T-shirt” With careful screening, I settled on a group of five topflight athletes who were kind enough to indulge me by running the relay.

The final group included:
Jeremy Chatelain: lanky young downhill specialist
Jeron Chatelain: calculating, precise and steely-nerved at the wheel of a Chrysler
Roberta Carr: our long-distance specialist and multi-marathoner (also my sister)
Jeremy Carr: enough strength to front squat the rest of the team at once (three reps)
Andy Forth: our ringer and true road warrior
and of course me: slow at even the shortest of distances and always able to find something to complain about

We ran very short legs (there are no official points to change runners, rather teams get to decide how far each member will go). Consequently, we arrived to the car in short order after beginning a leg of running and were allowed to recover. The only natural way to recover from such vigorous activity is to reach for the water bottle and guzzle. Such a recovery strategy led to constant filling of water bottles and emptying of bladders. There were several all-team roadside relievers (which excluded poor Roberta for obvious reasons).

Having only recruited fun people and myself, morale remained high in spite of the harrowing conditions. A radical discovery was made with only 10 miles to go we had overestimated the time it would take us by nearly two hours. The women and children meeting us at the end of the course were sure to miss our triumphal saunter into Troy. Fortunately, due to the vast and widespread coverage of the Verison network, we were able to pass word to them to make haste in traveling to Oregon. The discovery convinced us of our running prowess and bolstered morale all the more.

I think only the crew of Shackleton’s Endurance could know the extent of the difficulty of such an undertaking. Shackleton’s men spent a year in the Antarctic icepack and seas with only the safety of the rations they were able to salvage from their ship crushed by the ice floes. We spent six hours on a Saturday taking turns running. A bust of Shakleton was placed on Elephant Island where his men spent time awaiting a rescue party, and similarly, we each received medals.

My Ordination

A blury picture of the General Superintendent speaking to me after ordaining me

The question I have been asked the most since being ordained at District Assembly in early April is, “So what does it mean? Do they give you any superpowers when they ordain you or do you still have to take the stairs like you used to?” I’ll give the long answer here so when people are left unsatisfied with the simple answer I give face-to-face I can refer them here.

My somewhat sarcastic response when people ask me the question is, “Nothing changes!” Which on a practical level is true, but on a theoretical level so many things have changed. I am now eligible for two offices in the church, which I could not have filled as a licensed minister, District Superintendent and General Superintendent. If I’m ever in the market for a job with more work and less appreciation, I think I’ll consider one of those. I can also serve on boards for observing and certifying candidates for ordination. I will also be asked to teach some, as I have already done, candidates for ordination. I also feel now that I can use the title Reverend honestly, however, I have been addressed as Reverend since becoming a pastor three years ago. Ordination will allow me to continue pursuing God’s call on my life to ministry for the rest of my life, as a licensed minister I was conditional and temporary, ordination is for as long as I live in agreement with the church.

The comparison I’ve made is between tenure for a university professor and ordination. The truth in the tenure analogy is that I am like an official representative for the denomination, I can speak with authority about the doctrine of the Church of the Nazarene. The analogy breaks down when you start looking at the reasons for ordination verses the reasons for tenure. Tenure is granted to professors for the purpose of academic freedom. A confessional institution, like the Church of the Nazarene, does not encourage doctrinal exploration outside of our articles of faith. I hope I’m right about this at least. I hope if I began preaching that in order to be saved you must pray to David Hille, I would have my credentials removed. (But sorry Dave, I don’t plan on switching to Hilleanity anytime soon.)

I don’t feel any holier, no superpowers that I ‘ve noticed, I haven’t performed any miracles, communion tastes the same, and the baptismal waters feel just as wet. They didn’t teach me any special handshakes, or how to comb my hair like a Nazarene pastor. It was a little like graduating, but without the feeling of “what comes next?” or the relief of being done with papers and tests.

I do feel a sense of responsibility to deserve the confidence the church has placed in me. The church has given me a great deal of trust, and as much as I have tried to be worthy of their trust with my assignment in ministry, I hope to keep the trust in everything I do as an ordained minister of the gospel in the Church of the Nazarene. However, my ultimate responsibility and trust comes from the call God has given me, and the call and trust of God, to me, is much more important than even the vows of ordination.

My Long Awaited Read

I just finished The Jesus Way by Eugene Peterson. I have had the book on my shelf for about four years, but have not read it mostly because I wasn’t too interested. It is part of a series by Peterson of books with subtitles calling the books conversations on various aspects of the Christian life. The subtitle of The Jesus Way is “a conversation on the ways in which Jesus is the way.” It was a decent book, containing some great history and insight into the history.

I have one point of disagreement with Peterson, that being his treatment of David. He makes the claim at the beginning of his chapter on David that he is an example for us, and his example serves to demonstrate that we should not strive for perfection because we are doomed to be sinners. After all, David was a man after God’s own heart and look at the sin in his life. He mentions the damaging effect of the Holiness Tradition in the introduction to this chapter. Of course, I think he attacks a straw man of the Holiness Tradition, and our quest for perfection. My rebuttal is that Christians are called to be disciples of Jesus, not David, our example is perfect, and God’s intention is not for us to aim at imperfection.

The introduction to that chapter was my only complaint in book. The majority I really enjoyed, especially his summary of seven resources that he recommends in the appendix and his conclusion which is the way of following Jesus on Jesus’ terms is a way marked by prayer. He says that prayer is the “primary language for everything that takes place on the way of Jesus.” He talks about the languages we use in different parts of our world or life, and “prayer is the only language we have for listening to the commands and blessings and guidance that God provides through Jesus.”

He comes to a pretty good conclusion I believe. I guess I shouldn’t have let this book sit on my shelf for so long before reading it.

my Rocky Butte Report

In case you haven’t heard the Connell Church of the Nazarene did it’s second Work and Witness trip of the year, this trip was to the Rocky Butte Church of the Nazarene in Brewster, Washington. We put a roof on the church there. Not that any of us have any particular skill at roofing, it’s just that we enjoy going and working together, and encouraging other Christians, and eating good food along the way. You can check out a video of the events here:

As you can see from the video we also managed to get a lot of cleaning and painting done at the church.

The two highlights of the trip were:

First, seeing the number of children the Rocky Butte church is reaching. It was awesome there were kids everywhere in that place.

Second, the camaraderie among participants. This year we have had the amazing fortune of seeing both our work and witness teams develop a sense of family. We look out for one another, we joke with one another, and we work well together. It was a special blessing to hang out with those folks for the weekend.

Summer in Perspective

I have been away from blogging for some time, I was going to write an update on the summer activities that have kept me too busy to write about books or reflect on spicy food induced dreams, but that’s boring. My mom has already heard about my Oregon Coast trip with our Youth Group, and nobody that reads my blog (which according to the latest statistics is on the rise as I continue to write nothing) cares to hear about my schedule, or commitments. With little of value to share, I will tell a story from the summer that puts it all in perspective:

Alyssa and I were headed to Lewiston to visit family and eat smoked salmon pasta at Rooster’s Landing (a favorite restaurant) when our car broke down. It felt like we had blown a tire, it sounded like a demon was trying to escape the car. With no idea what was wrong we were forced to call a tow truck to the middle of nowhere (don’t tell the good citizens of somewhere between Burbank and Prescott, Washington I said that). We waited for over two hours in near 100 degree heat for the truck to arrive.

Through the course of the day we were on the phone with a variety of people. We had to break the news to family in Lewiston that our plans had been thwarted, we had to try to get a ride to Connell from where our car was being towed in Pasco, we had to talk to the insurance people who were lining up the tow truck.

Something wonderful happened during one of Alyssa’s chats with her mom. Her mom made the comment, “At least you’re there with Paul.” It may have been that Alyssa’s mom was just happy that she didn’t have to deal with the broken down car alone, but Alyssa’s response was, “Yep, at least we’re together.”

Alyssa’s response has stuck with me. Life was pretty crappy at that moment. We were feeling really overwhelmed by our circumstances and schedule, and on top of all that our car was giving us fits. In the face of what was a frustrating day for us, Vonnie put things in perspective. The truth was that because we were together we were able to laugh at the sweat, and the fact that we only had a little hot coffee to drink, and the lack of a roadside bathroom, we actually almost had fun. It’s pretty cool to be with someone who is able to enjoy broke down on the side of the road, just because she’s with me.

Reflections on my Second Year as a pastor

A year ago I wrote about five things I had learned in my first year as a pastor. You can read the list here. This year I am not feeling quite as articulate. Many of those first year lessons have become just a part of life. Alyssa and I were initially shocked at the desire of people that we be intimately involved in their lives. We have not been surprised by it this year, but we continue to be humbled and grateful that we get to walk through both the happy and sad times with those we love.

I think more than anything, this year has grown my faith in God. I am no longer surprised to see God do the impossible.  Looking back on a year that was punctuated by lows and highs, I truly believe the hand of God was at work in all of it. I don’t think God was necessarily happy that we had to go through some of the lows, but I think He was happy to guide and support us through it. I am excited that the Lord has given us the opportunity to be a part of the good things He is doing here in Connell. I see a new passion for the mission coming from our congregation, I know this is the work of the Lord, and it comes as an answer to prayer.

This year has also been really exciting as we have begun to reach  out to Spanish speaking people in our community. It is a major blessing to build relationships with people who have never before seen our church as a place that they might find hope. I believe it reflects the Kingdom of Heaven to our community, and enriches the life of our local body.

It’s been a great year, and I’m looking forward to another year of growth and learning. I still have so far to go, but I’ll probably figure it all out in my third year!

Not a rave…for a Donald Miller book?

I just finished reading Donald Miller’s newest book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life. It is a book about story, as Miller tries to live a good story while making a good story for the upcoming film based on his book Blue Like Jazz. I loved Blue Like Jazz in fact I would say I enjoyed reading it more than any other book I have ever read. I was pretty disappointed with Searching For God Knows What a book which he admits was terrible, but I liked Blue (as Miller shortens it) so much that it caused me to go ahead and give him another shot with his latest book. Unfortunately, Miller didn’t redeem himself with his latest effort.

Miller does a number of great things in A Million Miles. I think he finds the same reflective voice that made Blue such an enjoyable read, he almost forces it in the early chapters, where he tries too hard, but it smoothes out through the course of the book, which ends up being pretty readable. He also manages to not attack those who disagree with his politics in this book, which is a nice reprieve from Searching For God Knows What.

I think the reasons I didn’t fully enjoy A Million Miles boil down into two categories. First, the damage done by Searching for God Knows What, and some of his media exposure, just makes him much less likeable to me. I’m really sad about that. I want to enjoy his writing like I used to, but I don’t. The second category has to do with Miller’s spirituality. I’m not particularly offended by his drinking or smoking, I am just not that impressed by the major cathartic moments in the book coming from hiking to Machu Pichu and riding his bicycle across the country. There is more to life, and Miller knows it. In fact he tried to make us all feel guilty about how we knew it in his last book.

If you’d like to read it, come and borrow it.